He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
