That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
