The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
