singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
