the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
