Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
