That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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