just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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