Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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