she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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