oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
