No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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