if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
