Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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