i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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