Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
