i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
