every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
try to milk me bitch
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