thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
