I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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