so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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