Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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