I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
