Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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