shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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