you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
