why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
