you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
