He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
