Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
