I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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