Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
