So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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