sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunk is not a location!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
