I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
