Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
