the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
