when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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