i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
