Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize