it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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