i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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