She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize