I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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