OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
