Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
