I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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