My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
