I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
