hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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