Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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