so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
