i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
