At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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