i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
