he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
