I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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