Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
