The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They took my balls.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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