Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This house was built for laser tag.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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