Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
