he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
