I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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