You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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