is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
