why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
