How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
did i walk over a car last night?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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