Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize