I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
a search helicopter?!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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