I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize