the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
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