I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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