she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She is in my trunk
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
