If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
