I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
