I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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