I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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