You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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