fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
