Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
