Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
