These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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