We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
