im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I AM VODKA MAN
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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