party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
