; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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