Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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