i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize