I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
