she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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