I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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