He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
