How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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