and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My breasts were aching with rage.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
