no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
