Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
