That's intense
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
