Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize