so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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