He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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