This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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