so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
