k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
