You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
