The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
