Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
