he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
