i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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