Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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