I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
is it fun? or sober?
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