i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
