Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
