i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize