I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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